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I was waiting in line
At the local drug store
A new razor in my hand

I’d landed a job
In a fancy office
And they made a firm demand

That I shave off my beard
And go clean-chinned
They thought it was more dignified

And though it cut my soul
I had a family to feed
So I would do it, though it killed me inside


Life isn’t fair
Life isn’t fair
Dear god, how life isn’t fair

Having to choose
Between feeding my kids
Or keeping my facial hair


As I advanced in the line
The man in front of me
Turned and saw what I held in my hand

Though I couldn’t see his mouth
Through his big bushy beard
His voice boomed in irate command

He said, “put away that razor
Don’t you dare to buy it
Cutting whiskers like your takes a toll

Making money is good
But it’s not a fair trade
To get some cash for selling your soul”


Life isn’t fair
Life isn’t fair
Dear god, how life isn’t fair

Having to choose
Between paying your rent
Or keeping your facial hair


And then as one, each person in line
Added their voice to the mix
And like a beard
Made up of single hairs
There’s no problem this crowd couldn’t fix

They said “keep your beard, forget that job
Don’t worry about making your rent
With a beard like that, we’ll all chip in
Because your whiskers are heaven sent”


Life is great
Life is grand
I was so happy I broke down and cried

Now I’ll never shave
Never trim or cut
I know my beard will always provide


from For Those About To Grow Your Beard (We Salute You), released December 3, 2017
All music / lyrics / performance (c) 2017 Opinionated Whiskers / NoneMaySay.com


all rights reserved



Opinionated Whiskers

We've dedicated our lives to the gospel of the whisker.

Thank you for growing yours!

Or, if you haven't, we hope to show you the error of your ways.

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