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Pogonos Crossing

by Opinionated Whiskers

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1.
And then I awoke surrounded by trees My car crumpled metal and glass The rain and the dark both assaulted my eyes The cliff cut me off from my past I stumbled along for shelter or hope Through fingers of thickening trees I found a dirt path, then a small mountain road Then a sign near too dirty to read It said, “Welcome to Pogonos Crossing Population 203 If you have a beard, we invite you to join Our fast growing community” An odd sign perhaps, no matter to me As long as someone had a phone Sure I had a beard, but I wouldn’t stay I just needed help to get home And when I crossed the town line I felt an itch on my chin And a scratch in my mind Like someone trying to get in “Welcome to Pogonos Crossing Population 203 If you have a beard, we invite you to join Our fast growing community Welcome to Pogonos Crossing Population 204 If you have a beard, we invite you to join And to stay forevermore"
2.
Walking into town Men crowd the central square Each man bearing A thriving growth Of rippling facial hair They turn to me as one See the beard that’s on my face Open their arms And welcome me home Say I belong in this place They say The man makes the beard makes the Man makes the beard Makes the man makes the beard That makes the man The beard makes the man makes the Beard makes the man Makes the beard makes the man Who makes the beard I ask about a phone If anyone could lend a hand They only smile And say not to fret This is exactly as fate has planned They say the time is here That the pileous ones foretold They open their arms And urge that I come Into the warmth of their wooly fold Join us, join us, come be as one With the great ancient bearded soul Join us, join us, come be as one Join your beard to the growing whole Join us, join us come be as one Like every hair upon a face Join us, join us, come be as one We’ve saved you a special place The man makes the beard makes the Man makes the beard Makes the man makes the beard That makes the man The beard makes the man makes the Beard makes the man Makes the beard makes the man Who makes the beard The beard wears the man that wears the The beard that wears the man that Wears the beard that wears the man Who wears the beard And the man wears the beard that wears the Man that wears the beard that Wears the man that wears the beard Who wears the man
3.
The crowd grows still as silence descends And a charge in the air makes my beard stand on end Something is coming, that much is clear And when it arrivies, I know I should not be here My feet want to flee, but somehow they can’t As the bearded men start their uncanny chant It starts as a whsiper, then becomes a roar As the beard on my face dances more and more Pogonos Pogonos And the ancient Pogonos awakes The earth shimmers and the air quakes Pogonos comes, Pogonos breaks Into the world he longs to remake His form is horrid, it tears my mind At that moment all sanity is left behind He is a giant face, oozing and cold And his beard is a terrifying sight to behold Not made of hair, but of screaming men Reaching desperately for hope they’ll never have again Their feet embedded in the old god’s face Their eyes always searching for death’s embrace And the ancient Pogonos awakes The earth shimmers and the air quakes Pogonos comes, Pogonos breaks Into the world he longs to remake Pogonos is here To fulfill his ancient plan Pogonos is here To force a beard to grow on every man Pogonos is here On every woman and child too Pogonos is here And Pogonos is here for you And the ancient Pogonos awakes The earth shimmers and the air quakes Pogonos comes, Pogonos breaks And the fates of all beardless are at stake And the ancient Pogonos awakes The earth shimmers and the air quakes Pogonos comes, Pogonos breaks Into the world he longs to remake
4.
Pogonos is here The chants increase I feel my facial hair surge and swell And I know then My beard is somehow a part Of this town’s wretched summoning spell I need to put An end to this Before the beast makes it all the way through I love my beard But nonetheless I know what I have to do I’ve got to burn my beard Burn it away I’ve got to burn my beard Set it ablaze I’ve got to burn my beard Not a hair can stay I’ve got to burn my beard ’Til it’s all burned away I carry moustache wax Everywhere with me It is important to show your style I rub it in All through my beard And as I do I start to smile This is gonna hurt And probably will Be the end of me I know But if I’ve got To leave this life A blazing beard is the way to go I’ve got to burn my beard Burn it away I’ve got to burn my beard Set it ablaze I’ve got to burn my beard Not a hair can stay I’ve got to burn my beard ’Til it’s all burned away I always knew my habit of smoking would kill me As I reach in my pocket for a match I light it up, hold it to my beard And watch the flame flare and jump and catch Pogonos is still held by the ritual chant And so to my beard is still bound As my facial hair burns, so does he as well And he ignites with a ghastly sound I’ve got to burn my beard Burn it away I’ve got to burn my beard Set it ablaze I’ve got to burn my beard Not a hair can stay I’ve got to burn my beard ’Til it’s all burned away I’ve got to burn my beard Burn it away I’ve got to burn my beard Set it ablaze I’ve got to burn my beard Not a hair can stay I’ve got to burn my beard ’Til it’s all burned away
5.
Postlude 03:04
It has been five years Since I lit up like a star I survived, but my face Is a solid mass of scar I saved the world, but at what price? I no longer can grow a beard All my reason, all I am All has burned and disappeared But I have found the ancient scroll Of the Pogonomicon I know the way to call him back To this realm from the beyond He whispers, if I summon him Then my beard can be remade To end the world, but save my beard Should I make that desperate trade? Pogonos …

about

A Lovecraftian dark tale of beards and madness.
(Without Lovecraft's own hateful bigotry and racism.)

IMPORTANT NOTE:

This is a narrative concept EP that tells a single story.

The individual songs will make NO sense unless you listen to them in order.

(I make no promise that the album will make sense even then. But it definitely will not if you listen out of order.)

credits

released April 1, 2022

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all rights reserved

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Opinionated Whiskers

We've dedicated our lives to the gospel of the whisker.

Thank you for growing yours!

Or, if you haven't, we hope to show you the error of your ways.

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